Gravity and fluff

As much as I love to travel, feel the wind on my back, walk with a spring in each step, live with little - i hate it.

Let me explain.

I hate the fact that all my good books are in boxes and all my good clothes are in bags.
I feel like I don't really see them anymore and what good is a good book in box in a corner in a room, where no one can read it?

I hate not being able to find my stuff at speed, or sometimes even forgetting i own something just because they're all compartmentalized, packed up in nice little boxes and bags.


So yes, ms michelle ding sue yean, you're in quite a predicament.

You like to have a 'settled down' space, where you know where things are.
And yet, the other part of you wants to be carried with the wind, in the wind - to wherever that leads, you don't really care.

And both are two parts of the same body, two hands - pulling and tugging at each end.

God, how do I do this?

On perception.

In the spirit of blogging emails, here's another one :

A:

i have a good question for you to ponder on.

do you think we are responsible on how other people perceives us..? or are those who are forming an opinion on us also equally responsible on how they perceive us?

mich :

"We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are." - Anais Nin.

I think both sides are responsible. But there's a third side - what OTHER people say as well - the media, or other friends' thoughts - we change our perceptions based on these things that are inputted into us as well.

You said it yourself - No two people perceive the same way towards the same person. This is true. Everyone takes in data and process it differently than the other.

But still - I think, the way we perceive things or people is perhaps more largely to do with who we are, rather than who they are.

-m-

On Walking

I just reconnected with an old friend, and he sent me a link to this video.
"Sometimes we have to get lost to find ourselves"
Walkabout.

Which triggered me to write this reply. I don't really like placing my emails up here, but then I guess this is different. Like I (will) say - it IS telling.

-@-

Walk. That's a good thing. It's a good 'telling' word.
I actually looked up the word on the dictionary, because that's what I do and look what I found :

walk |wôk|
verb

1 [ intrans. ] move at a regular and fairly slow pace by lifting and setting down each foot in turn, never having both feet off the ground at once
2 informal abandon or suddenly withdraw from a job, commitment, or situation
3 an act of traveling or an excursion on foot
4 an unhurried rate of movement on foot

It is telling.

I feel like it's even telling of the sequence of life that I've been through since our last 'conversation'.

1) I was in a job - something stable, more predictable - safe.
And then it got dangerous and awry - wrong choices made. A lot of darkness, and you know of that season.

2) Which led to the necessary sudden closing of that chapter. Walking away from that life - job, house, everything.

3) Where through different circumstances, God seemed to have orchestrated a 'Lifeline'. I got to join the ship. Travelling around Europe on sea, and a lot on foot when we were at different towns.

4 ) And right now - coming back here. The same person, but oh-so-different. Trying to piece things together again. One piece at the time. One step of faith at a time.


But I feel much more refreshed now. I had a job and all this time last year, but I still felt aimless. I felt like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing, my soul being sucked away. haha.

Right now, I don't have a job - I don't know yet what I'm going to be doing. And yet there's the reassuring feeling that it's going to be alright, everything will be fine. It almost feels that I have more aim and purpose now than I used to, in the job. And it's not even that I didn't like the job, or the industry. I did - but there was always this gnawing feeling that there's gotta be more, much more.

So I'm glad I took that leap of faith.
It's been amazing, this journey.
I guess you could say I went for a Walkabout. And found out a little bit more about myself, but more than that - I rediscovered the Father God. Oh how he loves. And he CAN be trusted. Hey on that, listen to this song, it's nice : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhU36AFcgtE

I am back after 6 months away and I find myself wincing at all the 'stuff' I had. Things. MORE things. Things I thought I needed. Things that I am now trying to give away systematically to those who perhaps need it more. I am trying to live on less, I realise I need much less now - but I'm happy-ier. Much happier. :)

We shall see what the next step is. But I'm excited. I'm anticipating more adventure. haha.
I seem to be pouring out my night thoughts to you. I haven't blogged or written anything in a while, so. ( but I shall begin again soon - that's the plan )

-@-

And I have started 'the plan' by placing this here. This space is going to go through major revamp, hopefully in the next couple weeks.

Thank you again, for journeying with me. I cannot begin to tell you again how much family and friends support has been such a big part of this walk - and how much it will continue to be.
God gave me destinations, opportunities and chances - you gave me the wings to fly.

*muchos gracias *

Inertia

i've been missing winter lately. Strange.
hmm.

And this picture above - looks too surreal.
I can't believe I was there. That was January in Koge, Denmark.

My next most immediate project is to set up a site for the entire Logos Hope adventure, with more pictures and descriptions. Hopefully with Wordpress! I'm going to spend some time tinkering with that web publishing tool - along with a lot of other stuff I'd been hoping to tinker with, and hopefully - squeeze some French into that as well.

Let's hope I start going at speed soon enough. Right now I feel slothful, and I want to be in action but it's just -- i don't know.. slothful. I just need to get into groove again. Inertia. I SO need to pick up speed.

Walk the Earth

This is it - my dream 'job'.

Someone once asked me - if I didn't have to earn money to keep a living - if I could just do whatever I wanted to do in life, what will I do?

I said, after some thought - that I would "Walk the Earth". - take in every sight and sound and smell, unhurriedly. And maybe write about it.

Kinda like what these guys are doing.

It would be so so so so cool. :)

One Week

So it's been one week since I got back to the Motherland.

My body has been reacting, ( well, staging protests, more like ) to the change in temperature and yada-yada.

We caught the flu bug.

which really is, somewhat expected, considering the 15 (or so ) degrees change in temperature in justabout 20 hours.
And the funky timezone thing.

but getting the flu right now is just NOT cool.
especially not when everyone's so touchy about it.
See flu these days is not just flu, it's extremely important to know WHAT sort of flu.
ESPECIALLY when you : (1) Ada simptom Flu (2) Baru balik dari UK.

So I've been stuck at home. Self-quarantine. Civic responsibility. ( having the flu, feeling blue..) - Really, it's true - the whole-flu-bug-stuck-at-home-ness does a lot to make things less -- colourful, more ---dreary )

Having to wait for the bloodtest results :

( and missing the Mac )

But yayy, I'm okay. :)
It's just (a) flu, not the celebrity sort.
And I already feeel much better. Life can go on again. :)
I'm just glad I'm not growing a beard. ( hey when your body decides to throw tantrums, who can tell? )


Meanwhile, swine flew.


:-)

Plugging back in..

is hard.

especially when you're having breakfast when you're supposed to be going to bed, and going to bed when it's dinner time.

not to mention you keep waking up at odd hours cos your body can't well understand what timezone you're in, it just feels iffy.

ah, plus the sudden rise in temperature, yo.

And then you miss the people and life you've been so used to.

And you think about all the things you had wanted to do but then you didn't cos time went by too quickly in the last lap.

And then you want to write a proper update and summary, and tie things up together - but the thunderstorm just had to fry your Macbook - and so you're limbless. Or at least you feel that way.

And then everyone's asking you what's next when in truth, you really don't know.

You feel like you want to be in movement, but you wonder where?

Re-entry.

Ecclesiastes 9

1So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands, but no man knows whether love or hate awaits him. 2All share a common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad,a the clean and the unclean, those who offer sacrifices and those who do not.

As it is with the good man,
so with the sinner;
as it is with those who take oaths,
so with those who are afraid to take them.

3This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: The same destiny overtakes all. The hearts of men, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead. 4Anyone who is among the living has hopeb—even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!

5For the living know that they will die,
but the dead know nothing;
they have no further reward,
and even the memory of them is forgotten.
6Their love, their hate
and their jealousy have long since vanished;
never again will they have a part
in anything that happens under the sun.
7Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. 8Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. 9Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. 10Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave,c where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

11I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

On Time.

sharon lime says: (6:50:04 PM)which part of the sea is u at

sharon lime says: (6:50:07 PM)and what does the clock show

Michelle says: (6:50:50 PM)i am at copenhagen

Michelle says: (6:50:53 PM)i am OFF sea

Michelle says: (6:51:19 PM)it be showing 1250 on the wall but 1150 on my watch but 1850 on my computer

sharon lime says: (6:51:32 PM)so what be it mean

sharon lime says: (6:51:36 PM)what time is it actually haha

Michelle says: (6:51:38 PM)it be mean  - time is relative

Michelle says: (6:51:41 PM)it is the wall that is right

sharon lime says: (6:51:47 PM)1251

Michelle says: (6:51:49 PM)the watch is my yesterday self

Michelle says: (6:51:53 PM)the comptuer is my malaysia self

sharon lime says: (6:52:00 PM)so exciting right

sharon lime says: (6:53:17 PM)what is a yesterday self

Michelle says: (6:53:27 PM)a yesterday self is my self yesterday

Michelle says: (6:53:30 PM)in another country

Michelle says: (6:53:37 PM)"the past is a foreign country"

Michelle says: (6:53:42 PM)but really, i was in another country

Michelle says: (6:54:08 PM)you keep travelling through time and space and then the sun goes up and down at weird hours and then you're chatting with people from all over with different times

Michelle says: (6:54:15 PM)time just becomes something bouncy. 

i like. :) i thought this was a neat conversation.

Share-On don't keeeel me! :)

p/s : let it be known that it's not that our english is retarded or anything but we is speeking the BFG-ish. From the Roald Dahl book. We learnt it growing up. That's why we turned up quirky. ( well sharon's more quirky :p but we is liking quirky very much! ) 

* awe *

So I guess I also owe this blog a picture.

And what better picture than Daisies! :)

I've always snitched pictures of these online - but now I get to take some of my own. 

And that makes me happy. 

And feeling blessed. 

And daisies are such happy flowers. 

And they're also so random. 

And sometimes I really think you don't get what you ask for, you get better. 

How can I stand here and not be moved by You? 

Hope Floats on the English Channel, Michelle thinks while waiting for Pie to Bake

So this will be my last sailing journey. 

And I have finally finally gotten sea legs!

I don't feel the ship moving. 

Granted, the English Channel is probably a lot smoother than the other seas we've been through.

Still.

I threw up on the voyage from Dublin - Cardiff. My first time. ( and that right after I tried taking the pill for the first time. )

"Boss, I just vomited for the very first time on a voyage."

"CONGRATULATIONS!" *hugg*

haha. 

But then it seems I have 'gained' tolerance because of that inside-out incident.

I'm totally a-okay on this journey.

I can even read, write, type and not feel anything - which is a lot. 

So yayy :)

This'll certainly come in handy. 

Maybe I can try reading in a moving vehicle next. That I could not do that has always irritated me; all that 'travelling time' reading potential.. ( i travel quite a bit, so - that's a huge chunk of time there.. ;) )

Anyhoo, in other news, our ship caught fire yesterday. 

To be exact, toilet paper caught fire. Rolls and rolls of toilet paper.

It was a smoky affair, and could've been very very dangerous. We were all quarantined to a deck for almost 3 hours or so? 

One of the biggest fears for ship is fire. So, it was quite a biggie. 

But, 

I was cool as a cucumber the entire way. 

I don't know what to feel about that.

I find my lack of fearful response sometimes disturbing. 

But at the same time - I guess it also springs from the fact that I think I do not fear death. 

No, not anymore.

Like, before the whole perforated appendicitis thing - I wasn't ready. Nosiree, definitely not. 

Maybe then I feared it a lot more. 

But thereafter I've been living everyday with the thought that it could very well be my last. 

I wake up everymorning with my first thoughts being :" Good morning Lord, I'm alive! Thank you."

And everyday you have - another shot, another chance - what a gift! :)

And everyday you wake up still - it means you still have something you need to do. Your life still has some sort of purpose that needs to be unfolded. I believe that. 

These days I try not to have very many things 'hanging'. 

Especially not at this point of life. I mean, I don't even know what'll be when I get back home. 

6 months at a time. One day at a time. 

One day at a time is all it takes. 

And really, if you think about it - that's all we have for sure. 

Today.  

Today. 

Chee Yong this is for you

Sweeede

SO it's Sweden's National Day today. 

And the Swedes are celebrating it. ( but they say that they've never really been conquered, so they don't really need to celebrate independence, but the national day is just a day to remember all things Swedish ) .

And so you do stuff like stuff miniature Swedish flags in your hair. 

Or walk around with a blue and yellow IKEA bag full of meatballs and other IKEA stuff.

I like the Swedes. They're nice. :)

This is a Rastafarian Swede ( heh ):

Nooks around Cardiff Bay

This on a wall near home. ( uh, I mean, ship. ) :p

I just thought it was a good picture. 

Speaking of which, this one's picture-worthy too. 

This is the water we are on. 

I thought this was a funny sign. Especially the 2nd, 3rd and 4th line. 

Okay. :) 

Hopetimist

Okay.

So I've been getting a lot of little notes saying I don't do enough updating. 

Guilty as charged. *weak smile*

And I do feel it tugging at me, everyday.

But the internet has been a pain the last few ports.

Thankfully, that has improved since Cardiff.

A whole lot of things have actually - even the weather.

The saving sun. 

The sunshine is lifting everybody's spirits to record high. 

I'm going out for lunch and dinner on the grass almost everyday -- and it only becomes dark at about 10 at night so that is VERY cool. :) 

Just to get me in the updating mode again, I have decided to a set of "A Picture A Day" for the next 10days. 

Here goes today's picture of the day :

But of course it had to be something to do with HOPE.

... and my on-going fascination with cool tee-shirt statements, not forgetting my innate ability to walk up to almost-strangers with the daunting statement question : "Cool tshirt, can I, uh, take a picture of it?" ( insert wide eyed innocent no-i-am-not-a-serial-killer-freak-person smile )  "Uh, not you -- just the tshirt." "You sure?" "Yes thank you very much" Snap snap. :)

I was at ART vs MUSIC - a fundraising event in town where artschool students auctioned their work to raise funds for a ministry called REVIVE. It was good, I had much fun - but more importantly I was inspired to do something similiar back home. Reminds me of a conversation I once had with Kester. Maybe it's time we dig up some of our old wild ideas and bring them to reality. Could be should be fun. :)

And if anything else -- there's always a Hopetimist hanging out inside of me waiting to come out. Always. 

And I'm glad. :) 

To be WOWed a million times over

So I got a FEDEX package this week. 

It took them awhile, because they didn't quite comprehend a ship address. 

Ahnywayyyy... 

Took me a lot of walking about to find payphones and emailing and waiting at the window for almost an hour for the great white van with white and blue fonts on it to arrive just 5mins before the ETD. 

But - it was sooooooooooooooo worth it.

OMG you guys! 

Opening up that stack of postcards, seeing all your messages, putting everything together was -- more than overwhelming. WOW. 

I could've cried, I probably did. 

Not to mention being flocked by random shipcompany passerbys while I was piecing the thing together. 

"You have such good friends!"

"You mean this was self designed? ( eyes wide open ). Wow"

"Your friends are so creative"

Yes yes yes. :) I was the happiest most touched most overwhelmed person on board that hour - no doubts about that.

So thank you. Dankiwell. Spesiba. Takk Sumiket. Takk Firyol. Danke schon. 

I miss you guys.  No, actually - I prefer the French term : "Tu me manques". -> You are missing to me. I don't just miss you, but you are missing to me. 

Yep. 

I am touched. It was one of those moments where you for a splinter of a second feel : "I must've done something right.". 

Thanks for giving me that. 

i am SO beaming. :) 

you guys deserve a kiss

NICE to "see" you too, all of you. :) 

Picture Perfect

In a rare moment of good internet.
Here : pictures from Faroe Islands.

Just the ones I have on the intranet.

View Album

Get your own

I'll write more about the pictures and Faroe Islands and it's people soon.
I gotta run now.

cheers.

Box-Me-Up

so Svenja, my ship sister came up to me at the lunch line and said, "I went to a church this morning that really fits you. I think you'll like it very much."

" Ah, why? "

 It's the most charismatic church I've ever been to."

:) heh.

wow. I guess I'm more 'charismatic' than I thought. 

On the contrary, in the church I went to this morning - I sang a lot of old hymns I've never sung before. Almost everyone wore a coat, and some wore hats. Most had white hair - but they were such darling people! Firm handshakes, warm smiles, and the ladies really just smother you with hugs and kisses. "Go to India, child. You must go to India" - said the lady who'd spent 37 years of her life there as a missionary. 

I grew up in a charismatic assemblies of God church and in some ( a lot ) of ways, I will always remain one. But I've also learnt so much from the times I've spent in that close-knit Lutheran community in Bangsar. And my months ( years ? ) of searching during the uni-days saw me visiting every denomination - leading me to the conclusion - that we all have different ways of doing things anyway, and it's all about the love, y'know. Everything else is just an expression of that love. And that always reminds me of something Bono said :  "To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is even greater."

Being here in Ireland, seeing how the roads and people and walls and buildings and churches segregate and divide themselves -  makes his songs and words mean so much more now. 'It's all in the past now. It's all in the past.'. Yes it is - but that past is still too recent for comfort, and you could still almost feel ( or at least see ) its lingering shadow. 

Religion. Beliefs. Faith. Hope. 

All used interchangeably sometimes. But they definitely do not mean the same. 

I do not like religion. 

Shamrock

Tomorrow morning, Sunday - Mountpottinger church.
I'm going with one of my favourite Russians - Alexey Osintev. :)

We're doing a short intro session about ship, ministry - and maybe a testimony.

Had dinner tonight in the house of an ex-Douloid ( 1982-1984 ). It was good. Breakfast for dinner's always good. :) And then of course we had to talk about tea, and coffee ( and kopi luwak ), which very quickly turned into a full-blowned discussion about weird foodtypes from around the world.

Ah food - the conversation starter, ender - and sometimes ( most times ) it just takes over.
But all in good fun.

I realise that I've been a very adventurous 'eater'.
But then again I'm Chinese.

brr.
I just added dried Whale meat and Whale 'blubber' + rotten raw sheep meat into the list of 'exotic' foods I've tried. ( Faroe Islands ) 
Ah, and the raw herring in the Netherlands.
I didn't try the Haggis tho. ( Scotland ) 

I have so much to tell but I don't know where to start.
"Ireland" is an interesting place and I have a feeling I've only seen one part of it. I'll have to go to the Republic of Ireland before I get a full grasp of the Irish, and the things that unite/divide them.

For starters, I just found out that there's Irish English and then there's Irish - like a real Gaelic language. And who St Patrick really was, and what is the significance of the 3 ( clover?) shamrock leaf. 

Time! Time's winged chariots are catching up, running after me. 

Sedated

it's strange that..

all my life i've ALWAYS wanted to come to Ireland.
Like, it's been my number 1 must-go-in-life destination.

And yet, when I'm finally almost there, ( just drifting off Belfast's shore actually ) - i don't feel quite too excited.

I don't know if it's just the aching sore throat I have, or that I'm experiencing some minor symptoms of burn-out ( noooooo..!) or that the Faroe Islands was just tooo way-up-there.

hmm. We're entering into Belfast soon.
Ireland.
Hard to believe.
I'm here.

Let this be a place of exciting new discoveries.

I will take time to update this blog. There IS so much to tell. So many stories of God's hand at work. So many stories of amazing amazingness.

Discipline, mich. Discipline.

Everything

even a million pictures will not be able to captivate the moments, places and faces we've experienced here in the faroe islands.

what a place!
moments like these you never forget.
moments of bliss
moments where you just stand in awe.
moments of unexpected kindness

i will never forget this place
and maybe someday i'll come back.

Takk firror, Abba.
How can I stand here, and not be moved by you?

I just added some pictures, all real.

Now you'll know why I keep saying surreal.
how do you think it felt standing there, in the midst of such beauty, and trying to take a meagre picture? heheh.

Some of my most blissful moments were in the Faroes, I'm sure of that.

ELIM

it's our very LAST day in this magical place - Faroe Islands.
my heart will be so sad to leave.
it's beautiful -- too beautiful.

I lead another church team to a church called Elim tonight. Brethren ( Free ). It's in the next island.
Service is in 1.5hours time.
Pray that God's message be sent through the team. There are 4 of us.

Takk firror ( that's thank you very much in Faroese )

We sail off at 0030 hours tonight.
Next port Belfast.

I will update this page in the next 2days hopefully. And newsletters. I owe all of you that.

pray. watch. expect. experience.

cheers.

Hebron

I lead a team to a local community of Christians here; Hebron.
Meeting is tonight.
We'd be talking about ourselves ( and the countries we each represent ) , the ship's ministry and mission needs in the world at large.
To challenge them.

I just found out Hebron means 'alliance' / friend. They need to be friends in ministry. :)
Please uphold in prayer. Thank you.

Meanwhile - this island is just out-of-this-world, really. I didn't think places like this still existed/ever did. heh. It's the closest thing to Utopia that I've seen in any side of the world I've been to. What a privilledge to be here!

I guess there is a time and season to everything - even in ministry. My difficult country days have and will come. But at the mo' - this place is good soul refreshment :)

Faoroes Fairies

We're here!

The Faroe Islands.
We can see it, but we can't park in it yet.

It's beeeeautiful.

No highrise buildings, no trees.

Lotsa sheep.

48000 people, 90000 sheep.

Internet not-so-friendly.

Lotsa Edinburgh stories, but.

( and pictures! )

When we get better connection.

Meanwhile. We're in the Faroe Islands, we're in the Faroe Islands! :)

Aberdeen

I'm in Aberdeen, 3 hours up north from Edinburgh for the weekend.
Church Team. We're at King's Community Church.
Kid's Church, Malayalum Service and Evening Service.

The evening session's theme is 'Hands'.
I'm giving the challenge.
Please pray.

Thank you.

Owh, Happy Easter everyone.
Spring is here. Daffodils are blooming and flourishing everywhere.
Spring. Easter. New Hope. How apt.

:)

Palm Sunday

HOLY WEEK, 

palm sunday.

Palm Cross from St Giles Cathedral. 

" He rode in with a donkey, not a horse. Peace, not strife." 

the Mouthpiece

I will be sharing a testimony + encouragement at a Scottish church for Sunday service tomorrow morning.

Please pray for divine inspiration and rhema word.

Thank you.

A welcome of kilts and bagpipes

Scotland!

FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMM!

We're here, and we're going for a Prayer Hike on the Hills. 

Oh joy! 

Tying the Knot

And what after all is marriage?
It is saying, "I will do this. I will press on. Not only when it is picture perfect, but especially when it is not.
For better or for worse, in sickness and in health,
I will hold your hand. I will be there."

“I will do this.
Because I love you. “

Hand in hand and heart to heart
Growing up and growing old together.
It doesn't matter if we don't know everything,
We can learn it together. It doesn’t matter if we don’t get it right the first time
We can always try again, together.

For always.

Game Over?
No, this is just the beginning.

A new life, together.

Two hearts that will now beat as one.
Two songs that were meant to be sung together.
Two frayed ropes, knotted in God’s love and grace.
One beautiful masterpiece in the making.

Congratulations Mr & Mrs Tan Chee Kah.

Love and Best Wishes from across the oceans. :)

Hide and seek Sunshine

When I said it was sunny yesterday, I really meant sunny.

This is what it looked like today -- and apparently, what we need to expect as norm.

Foggy weather makes you less bouncy and schlowww.

Yesterday was a good day.
I miss the sunshine.

Netherland's Subang Jaya

Out at sea

Sunny blue skies, after so long.. Beeeautiful! :)

Ship!

The Netherlands is a very flat sort of country. That riggady line at the front is the town we're going into.

Manoeuvering at the berth. VERY tight spot. Just fitting for the ship, end to end. We had to do side-ways parking.

As customary, crew members come out with their flags and cheer and shout and wave to anyone at the port. Usually we have a good nice welcome of people who know about the ship. Today, it was just people who were puzzled about this big ship suddenly parked in their landscape. And that just adds to our excitement, really.

And we're here!

SCHEVENINGEN! :)

p/s : I had to post these pictures out because they were just too beautiful. Yayy for good weather, yayy for Lumix. We hardly ever get weather like this, or pictures like this. I think this will be a good port. I can feel it.