Thursday, September 3, 2009

Gravity and fluff

As much as I love to travel, feel the wind on my back, walk with a spring in each step, live with little - i hate it.

Let me explain.

I hate the fact that all my good books are in boxes and all my good clothes are in bags.
I feel like I don't really see them anymore and what good is a good book in box in a corner in a room, where no one can read it?

I hate not being able to find my stuff at speed, or sometimes even forgetting i own something just because they're all compartmentalized, packed up in nice little boxes and bags.

So yes, ms michelle ding sue yean, you're in quite a predicament.

You like to have a 'settled down' space, where you know where things are.
And yet, the other part of you wants to be carried with the wind, in the wind - to wherever that leads, you don't really care.

And both are two parts of the same body, two hands - pulling and tugging at each end.

God, how do I do this?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

On perception.

In the spirit of blogging emails, here's another one :


i have a good question for you to ponder on.
do you think we are responsible on how other people perceives us..? or are those who are forming an opinion on us also equally responsible on how they perceive us?

mich :

"We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are." - Anais Nin.

I think both sides are responsible. But there's a third side - what OTHER people say as well - the media, or other friends' thoughts - we change our perceptions based on these things that are inputted into us as well.

You said it yourself - No two people perceive the same way towards the same person. This is true. Everyone takes in data and process it differently than the other.

But still - I think, the way we perceive things or people is perhaps more largely to do with who we are, rather than who they are.


Saturday, August 22, 2009

On Walking

I just reconnected with an old friend, and he sent me a link to this
"Sometimes we have to get lost to find ourselves"

Which triggered me to write this reply. I don't really like placing my emails up here, but then I guess this is different. Like I (will) say - it IS telling.


Walk. That's a good thing. It's a good 'telling' word.
I actually looked up the word on the dictionary, because that's what I do and look what I found :

walk |wôk|

1 [ intrans. ] move at a regular and fairly slow pace by lifting and setting down each foot in turn, never having both feet off the ground at once
2 informal abandon or suddenly withdraw from a job, commitment, or situation
3 an act of traveling or an excursion on foot
4 an unhurried rate of movement on foot

It is telling.

I feel like it's even telling of the sequence of life that I've been through since our last 'conversation'.

1) I was in a job - something stable, more predictable - safe.
And then it got dangerous and awry - wrong choices made. A lot of darkness, and you know of that season.

2) Which led to the necessary sudden closing of that chapter. Walking away from that life - job, house, everything.

3) Where through different circumstances, God seemed to have orchestrated a 'Lifeline'. I got to join the ship. Travelling around Europe on sea, and a lot on foot when we were at different towns.

4 ) And right now - coming back here. The same person, but oh-so-different. Trying to piece things together again. One piece at the time. One step of faith at a time.

But I feel much more refreshed now. I had a job and all this time last year, but I still felt aimless. I felt like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing, my soul being sucked away. haha.

Right now, I don't have a job - I don't know yet what I'm going to be doing. And yet there's the reassuring feeling that it's going to be alright, everything will be fine. It almost feels that I have more aim and purpose now than I used to, in the job. And it's not even that I didn't like the job, or the industry. I did - but there was always this gnawing feeling that there's gotta be more, much more.

So I'm glad I took that leap of faith.
It's been amazing, this journey.
I guess you could say I went for a Walkabout. And found out a little bit more about myself, but more than that - I rediscovered the Father God. Oh how he loves. And he CAN be trusted. Hey on that, listen to this song, it's nice :

I am back after 6 months away and I find myself wincing at all the 'stuff' I had. Things. MORE things. Things I thought I needed. Things that I am now trying to give away systematically to those who perhaps need it more. I am trying to live on less, I realise I need much less now - but I'm happy-ier. Much happier. :)

We shall see what the next step is. But I'm excited. I'm anticipating more adventure. haha.
I seem to be pouring out my night thoughts to you. I haven't blogged or written anything in a while, so. ( but I shall begin again soon - that's the plan )


And I have started 'the plan' by placing this here. This space is going to go through major revamp, hopefully in the next couple weeks.

Thank you again, for journeying with me. I cannot begin to tell you again how much family and friends support has been such a big part of this walk - and how much it will continue to be.
God gave me destinations, opportunities and chances - you gave me the wings to fly.

*muchos gracias *

Monday, August 17, 2009


i've been missing winter lately. Strange.

And this picture above - looks too surreal.
I can't believe I was there. That was January in Koge, Denmark.

My next most immediate project is to set up a site for the entire Logos Hope adventure, with more pictures and descriptions. Hopefully with Wordpress! I'm going to spend some time tinkering with that web publishing tool - along with a lot of other stuff I'd been hoping to tinker with, and hopefully - squeeze some French into that as well.

Let's hope I start going at speed soon enough. Right now I feel slothful, and I want to be in action but it's just -- i don't know.. slothful. I just need to get into groove again. Inertia. I SO need to pick up speed.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Walk the Earth

This is it - my dream 'job'.

Someone once asked me - if I didn't have to earn money to keep a living - if I could just do whatever I wanted to do in life, what will I do?

I said, after some thought - that I would "Walk the Earth". - take in every sight and sound and smell, unhurriedly. And maybe write about it.

Kinda like what these guys are doing.

It would be so so so so cool. :)

Thursday, July 9, 2009

One Week

So it's been one week since I got back to the Motherland.

My body has been reacting, ( well, staging protests, more like ) to the change in temperature and yada-yada.

We caught the flu bug.

which really is, somewhat expected, considering the 15 (or so ) degrees change in temperature in justabout 20 hours.
And the funky timezone thing.

but getting the flu right now is just NOT cool.
especially not when everyone's so touchy about it.

See flu these days is not just flu, it's extremely important to know WHAT sort of flu.
ESPECIALLY when you : (1) Ada simptom Flu (2) Baru balik dari UK.

So I've been stuck at home. Self-quarantine. Civic responsibility. ( having the flu, feeling blue..) - Really, it's true - the whole-flu-bug-stuck-at-home-ness does a lot to make things less -- colourful, more ---dreary )

Having to wait for the bloodtest results :

( and missing the Mac )

But yayy, I'm okay. :)
It's just (a) flu, not the celebrity sort.
And I already feeel much better. Life can go on again. :)
I'm just glad I'm not growing a beard. ( hey when your body decides to throw tantrums, who can tell? )

swine flew.


Monday, July 6, 2009

Plugging back in..

is hard.

especially when you're having breakfast when you're supposed to be going to bed, and going to bed when it's dinner time.

not to mention you keep waking up at odd hours cos your body can't well understand what timezone you're in, it just feels iffy.

ah, plus the sudden rise in temperature, yo.

And then you miss the people and life you've been so used to.

And you think about all the things you had wanted to do but then you didn't cos time went by too quickly in the last lap.

And then you want to write a proper update and summary, and tie things up together - but the thunderstorm just had to fry your Macbook - and so you're limbless. Or at least you feel that way.

And then everyone's asking you what's next when in truth, you really don't know.

You feel like you want to be in movement, but you wonder where?


Saturday, July 4, 2009

Ecclesiastes 9

1So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands, but no man knows whether love or hate awaits him. 2All share a common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad,a the clean and the unclean, those who offer sacrifices and those who do not.

As it is with the good man,
so with the sinner;
as it is with those who take oaths,
so with those who are afraid to take them.

3This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: The same destiny overtakes all. The hearts of men, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead. 4Anyone who is among the living has hopeb—even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!

5For the living know that they will die,
but the dead know nothing;
they have no further reward,
and even the memory of them is forgotten.
6Their love, their hate
and their jealousy have long since vanished;
never again will they have a part
in anything that happens under the sun.
7Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. 8Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. 9Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. 10Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave,c where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

11I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

On Time.

sharon lime says: (6:50:04 PM)which part of the sea is u at

sharon lime says: (6:50:07 PM)and what does the clock show

Michelle says: (6:50:50 PM)i am at copenhagen

Michelle says: (6:50:53 PM)i am OFF sea

Michelle says: (6:51:19 PM)it be showing 1250 on the wall but 1150 on my watch but 1850 on my computer

sharon lime says: (6:51:32 PM)so what be it mean

sharon lime says: (6:51:36 PM)what time is it actually haha

Michelle says: (6:51:38 PM)it be mean  - time is relative

Michelle says: (6:51:41 PM)it is the wall that is right

sharon lime says: (6:51:47 PM)1251

Michelle says: (6:51:49 PM)the watch is my yesterday self

Michelle says: (6:51:53 PM)the comptuer is my malaysia self

sharon lime says: (6:52:00 PM)so exciting right

sharon lime says: (6:53:17 PM)what is a yesterday self

Michelle says: (6:53:27 PM)a yesterday self is my self yesterday

Michelle says: (6:53:30 PM)in another country

Michelle says: (6:53:37 PM)"the past is a foreign country"

Michelle says: (6:53:42 PM)but really, i was in another country

Michelle says: (6:54:08 PM)you keep travelling through time and space and then the sun goes up and down at weird hours and then you're chatting with people from all over with different times

Michelle says: (6:54:15 PM)time just becomes something bouncy. 

i like. :) i thought this was a neat conversation.
Share-On don't keeeel me! :)

p/s : let it be known that it's not that our english is retarded or anything but we is speeking the BFG-ish. From the Roald Dahl book. We learnt it growing up. That's why we turned up quirky. ( well sharon's more quirky :p but we is liking quirky very much! ) 

Thursday, June 11, 2009

* awe *

So I guess I also owe this blog a picture.
And what better picture than Daisies! :)
I've always snitched pictures of these online - but now I get to take some of my own. 
And that makes me happy. 
And feeling blessed. 
And daisies are such happy flowers. 
And they're also so random. 

And sometimes I really think you don't get what you ask for, you get better. 

How can I stand here and not be moved by You?