So I'm really going to be doing this.
The past couple of weeks have been nothing short of an adventure.
A big giant leap of faith.
In more "layman" terms : Having normal 5/10years' life experiences squished into less-than-30days.
It's been a rushing whirr - but exciting, so exciting.
And as a dear friend of mine said : "I can see you glowing again. Haven't seen that in awhile"
I like that. I like the glowing me. :)
The whirr :
1) I turned 25! ( had a minimajor quarter-life crisis for a bit there )
2) I quit my job! ( still love the industry, but time-off is good, and perhaps - necessary )
3) and turned down 7 different very-interesting-i-would've-done-it-at-any-other-time job offers.
4) but got me a Mac! ( i'm a happy hunky-dory MacMich now :) )
5) and also moved out of Ara D ( okay, i REALLY got to learn to simplify. Shifting 3 car loads ( 2 Avanzas) of stuff is just no fun. Picking up after is worse.. ) - but I am SO gonna miss that place.. :~(
6) And then tried for Logos Hope. ( which is in Denmark, and I only recently found out how faraway that is )
7) Spent Christmas Eve crossing state borders, and many towns in between with a car-full of stuff ( see point number 5 ). Reached Taiping town just in time to hear the 'Olde Clocktower' strike at midnight - Christmas. :) Until that time I've never heard it strike, and neither has mum. She's lived here all her life. What I really heard : "It is time, Michelle. It's time."
8) Raised what seemed like a daunting amount of money in just 7 days. ( t'was a giant test of faith, and my God pulled through, through many people dear and close to me -- and all I can really say is that I am humbled. So, so humbled. He stopped me in my tracks - and I feel like a loofah for thinking that I was raising that money. Nosireee. All I had to do was surrender, and that was all. And that was my lesson in faith, faith in a BIG God, who's also real, who's also constant, who's also present -and who cares. )
9) And now I'm doing stuff like : packing up winter clothes for 0degrees??!, booking 17 hour flight tickets, taking vaccinations, looking for elusive medical YellowCards, buying Euros from a money changer that has 8 security cameras i-am-SO-not-kidding you.
10) And just last night I celebrated the coming of the new year with family, church and a bunch of crazy adrenalin-rushed jumping teenagers singing "I'm flying". It's a good song. A good song to welcome the new year, amidst all the 'darkness' and uncertainty that the world is feeling.
What it feels like :
You know that movie ( Indiana Jones? or was it StarWars ) where the guy does not know where he's walking to? He's just taking steps into what seems like mid-air, that he could fall at any moment - but the miracle is that as he takes each step, a 'bridge' is formed. Step-by-step. And that bridge can only be formed if he first takes the step. And he's just got to believe that as he takes the next step, the 'bridge' will not fail him.
A lot of people have come up to me to say ( okay, some are my own doubts.. ) : "Whoah you've got guts" . "You're doing this at the weirdest time, what with all the economic uncertainty". "What are you going to do after?" . "How are you going to survive?" . "Do you really have to go THAT far?" . "Are you just going ahead of yourself? " . " What are you running away from? "
But the truth is : I have to go. All things seem to point in that direction, all things were made possible, almost easy for me. I have full family support, and most importantly - I am at peace. This is the right thing for now, and it's saving grace compared to my past few months of immense stretching and testing and pain. Maybe they were necessary, I don't know. But at every point we get to choose, and I chose. Wrongly, rightly, meant-to-be? I don't know. I'm just glad that the deep overwhelming darkness that eats-you-up is over and I'm beginning to see glimmers of light all around.
This time I get to choose too.
Or maybe, in this case, this chose me.
The best thing is : the adventure's just beginning.
And I've got a Great Wise Author.
Join me on this journey of discovery.
Of myself, of purpose, of calling, and of the Big Man Above. :)
Yo ho-ho, all ship shape and Bristol fashion! ;)